2009年第6期翻译擂台点评

 

杨斯毅 新西兰奥克兰大学

Obese people tend to eat like a horse, so to restrain their mouths from eating too much is the most difficult part of losing weight. Ways like crash diet to cut weight down can be hard to practise on a continuous basis, so they may only seem effective in the short run. To people who enjoy eating, boring taste of food will reduce their sense of happiness, let alone not eating enough then. Apparently, solving the question of how to satisfy their stomach while not boosting weight relies on adjusting food intake, for example, they need to have more coarse cereals, fruits and vegetables. Of course, the most important way to keep fit is doing exercises like Yoga, swimming, jogging, etc. It can be really tough for those who haven't formed a habit of exercising to take the first move, but once it's developed into a habit, after some time keeping it up will become natural and even necessary to them. Not only will doing exercises help keep our body healthy, we will also feel good and see a real enhancement in our mental and spiritual health.

外编点评：总的来说，译得不错。但仍然有几个小错误。

1、“对某某人来说”，应该用“For”而不是“To”，

2、“boring taste”在这儿表示特指，前面应该加“the”，

3、“the most important way”太过于直译，换成“the best way”会显得更地道一点。

4、“necessary”在文中不能够表达出“反而不舒服”的感觉，用“desirable”会更合适。

 

 

夏龙娇 山东

Generally, fat people are inclined to eat. Restraining oneself from eating is the hardest step in weight reduction. Some don't eat meat or anything to lose their weight. Possibly, it plays its role in short – terms, however, this effect cannot last long. For fressers, they will lack the sense of happiness if they don't eat well, not to mention go hungry! How can they satisfy their appetite without putting on weight in the end? It lies with food restructuring, namely more minor cereals, vegetables and fruits take – in. Of course, the most important thing is to take exercise, such as Yoga, swimming, jogging, etc. For those who don't have the habit of taking exercise, it's a tough period at the beginning. But after they last for a period, the habit will be formed. They will feel uncomfortable without exercise. It not only is good for keeping fitness, but also makes people feel good, calm and comfortable, which is a sound condition, both physically and mentally indeed.

外编点评：

1、 首先要指出来的是标点符号的错误“short – terms”和“take – in”应该改成“short-term, take-in”。

2、 “Possibly, it plays its role in short – terms, however, this effect cannot last long”这句话虽然表达没有错误，但是不够地道，应该翻译成“in short term, this might help, however, in the long term, the effect could be lost”。

3、 “fressers”是一个比较生僻的词语，比较特别,换成“food lovers”或者“people who enjoy eating”都不错。

4、 “But after they last for a period, the habit will be formed”这句话应该换一个表达方式，即“But if you keep exercising, you will quickly form the habit”。

5、 “without exercise”应该前置。“It not only is”应该是“It's not only good for keeping fit”。

 

 

喻智娟 广州中山

Generally speaking, fat people like eating. Watch his mouth is the most difficult part to lose weight. Some weight loss methods depend on not eating rice or meat, perhaps markedly in short-term period, but difficult to adhere to. For fressers, eat not so well can cause a sense of unhappiness, not to mention going hungry. How can they satisfy their appetite without putting on weight in the end? This all depends on the adjustment of food structure：Eat more fruits, vegetables and grains. Of course, the most important thing is to do sports. Yoga, swimming, jogging…for people who have no exercise habits, it would be tough at first, but over time, if this becomes a habit, no exercise would let you feel uncomfortable. Exercise not only helps to maintain physical health, but also can make people feel good, calm and comfortable, that is a sound physical and mental condition.

外编点评：

1、“Watch his mouth is the most difficult to part to lose weight.”这句话虽然表达没错误，但不够准确，应该改成“Watching what they eat is one of the most difficult parts of losing weight”。

2、 “perhaps markedly in short-term period,”这句话不够地道，改成“in short-term it works”更理想。

3、还有，同样是上文中的“fressers”，这个单词比较生僻。

4、“the most important thing”改成“one of the most important things”更加符合逻辑。

5、“it would be tough at first”地道的表达方式是“it's tough at first”，“no exercise”表述太绝对，用“a lack of exercise”会更好。

 

杨龙 北京理工大学珠海学院外语学院

Since overweight people are often obsessed with eating, to keep their appetite under control is the toughest step towards the goal of losing weight. Some methods, such as losing weight by taking no meals or no meat, may prove effective in the short term but are to hold on to. Especially, big eaters would not feel the slightest sense of happiness without eating well, let alone starving. How to satisfy the appetite without eating too much and thus getting overweight requires an adjustment to the dietary – to take more grains, vegetables and fruits. There is no doubt that playing sports is of primary importance, namely yoga, swimming, jogging… It can be somewhat difficult to start out for those who haven't developed a taste for sports, but once you persist with it for quite a while, it will turn into a habit and you may feel incomplete without doing it for the day. Sports help to maintain your body functions and to lighten your mood, rendering you both a healthy body and a peaceful mind.

外编点评：文章译得很棒。“obsessed with”这个单词用得很形象，但也有几个小错误。

1、“to hold on to”这个短语没有表达出原文的意思，更地道点的短语应该是“hard to adhere to”；

2、另外“dietary”是形容词，用在文中不合适，应该改成“diet”。

 

 

谢颖 广州白云区

The fat guys are always fans of food. The toughest part of loosing weight is to take control of your stomach. Some ways of loosing weight may be visibly effective, say, staying away from rice and meat, but it is difficult to stick to. For the food lovers, even having not enough food may cause a lost of happiness, let alone eating nothing at all. Then how to satisfy your eating desire while staying away from getting too fat by eating too much? The answer lies in adjusting the food structure - have more minor cereals and fruits and vegetables. Of course, the most important thing is taking exercise. For people who are not used to doing sports, yoga, swimming and jogging may seem hard at the very beginning. But after clinging to it for a couple of days, you will form the habit of doing sports, which may make you uncomfortable if do no sports. Sports can not only help to keep the function of your body well, but also can smooth your emotion and give you enjoyment. This is the real heath of both body and mind.

外编点评：“fans of”译得生动形象，感觉不错。

1、 在文中“more minor cereals”这个说法不太恰当，英文一般直接说“more cereals”就能表达完整的意思了。

2、 最后一两句话犯了粗心的错误，“uncomfortable if do”中“uncomfortable”前面应该加“feel”，“do”前面要加个人称代词“you”；

3、 英文中习惯使用“calm your emotion”而不是“smooth your emotion”，这点需要注意。

4、 “enjoyment”前应该加“some”显得更加贴切。

5、 最后一句没有表现出“平衡”的意思，“the real heath of both”应该改成“the real balance of”。

 

 

谭思敏 北京

The fats usually love to eat. It's hardest to restrain oneselves from eating. Some ways of lose weight depend on not eating rice or meat, maybe we can see the effect in the short term but it's difficult to keep it. For enjoying good food, they feel unhappy with bad food let alone suffering from hunger. It depends on adjusting to the structure of food that satisfying the desire for good but not adding the weight due to eating too much, that is to say, eating more grains, vegetable and fruit. Certainly, sport is the most important. Yoga, swimming, jogging---It's hard for people who not interested in sports at the beginning. However, if you insist on sports, you feel uncomfortable if you don't make sports. Sports not only help you keep your health but also help you keep your good mood. That is really sound in body and mind.

外编点评：

1、 文中一个明显的错误就是“oneselves”，正确的单词是“oneself”，

2、 其次是“lose weight”，of 后面要接动词的分词形式，即“losing weight”。

3、 “maybe we can see the effect in the short term but it's difficult to keep it.”这句话的表述有问题，正确的表达是“This is effective in a short-term, but it’s difficult to adhere to”。

4、 “For enjoying good food”这个表达太过勉强，跟翻译段落的意思相差较远，应该改成“For food lovers”。

5、 “suffering from hunger”用在这里也不太合适，改成“let alone having to eat so little”更确切。

6、 “It depends on adjusting to the structure of food that satisfying the desire for good but not adding the weight due to eating too much,”这句话比较“Chinglish”，应该改成“and adjustment of the sentences of the diet is required, good food but not eating too much,”。

7、 “who not”缺少助词“are”。

8、 “if you insist on sports, you feel uncomfortable if you don't make sports.”这句话的表述也很有问题，正确的句子是“if you keep practicing it, soon you would feel uncomfortable if you don't exercise.”。

9、 最后一句中的 “keep”这个词用的不恰当，应该改成“improve”，而“That is really sound in body and mind.”是用来修饰前面一句话的，所以不应该独立分开，前面的句号应该改成逗号，正确的句子是“creating a sound body and mind”。