2009年第5期翻译擂台点评

安徽工业大学 李锐

Hutong is the symbol of Beijing, long and elegant, which looks like the numerous blood vessels that spreed over every corner of the city; They are varied: bright and spacious, or deep and serene, which is a kind of unduplicatable art. However, they have preserved the oldest life and the most genuine tastes and appreciations of old Beijing that much that long. Several centuries have passed, they witness the history of hundreds of years, watching the rise, fall, and rejuvenation of Beijing quietly. Like an old man, in the era of rolling mill wheel, he gradually loses his luster. Facing the flood of modern civilization, we may be unable to retain anything, but at least, we can be a faithful recorder, savoring by heart. Moreover, with the lens to retain the city's most grass-roots history of fragments--only the feelings are real, and memories are constant.

外编点评：

1、 首先“胡同”应该译作Hutongs或者the Hutong，前者表示实际中的很多胡同，后者表示胡同这一概念。

2、 此外，词组的选用过于直译，使读者非常困惑，例如“the era of rolling mill wheel”就让人不知所云。

3、 第三个句子译得很不错，将“that much that long”替换掉会更好，改译为they have preserved much of the oldest life and the most genuine tastes and appreciations of old Beijing for a long time。

 

上海 欧阳仕权

Lanes or alleys, characteristic of Beijing, are gracefully long and they stretch to every corner of this city just like the dense blood vessels. They, an irreproducible culture, are presented in all forms and shapes, either wide and bright, or long and quiet, and they all keep and show the oldest lifestyles and the original features of the old Beijing, deeply symbolizing this city. The lanes or alleys have experienced winds and rains for centuries, lived a history of hundreds of years ,seen the Ups and Downs then Rebirths of Beijing peacefully, but they are disappearing just as if an aging old man will pass away. Our modern cultures are replacing them, and there is nothing we can do to stop this process but at least we can be a loyal recorder, observing and feeling them with all our heart, recording pieces and sections of the most grass-rooted history of the city in forms of pictures. Only by experiencing them will you feel it real, and only records and memories are eternal.

外编点评：

1、 同第一位译者一样，还是“胡同”的翻译，在翻译特定事物的时候，很难选择音译还是意译。我认为此文中“胡同”一词具体特定，并且与lane（小路）或 alley（小径）的含义不尽相同，或许此处最好的翻译方式是加注，如，Hutongs (narrow streets or alleys)，胡同（窄街或窄巷）。

2、 总体来说译得不错，但需要注意不应大写“ups and downs”，英语中的大写是有选择性的。

 

北京理工大学珠海学院 杨龙

Hutong, as a symbol of Peking, pervades, like thickly dotted veins, every corner of the city in an extensive and exquisite manner; it represents a culture that cannot be duplicated; it comes in varied forms, be it wide and open, or deep and serene, though the most ancient way of living and the most primitive Peking flavor are so intense that Hutongs remains the way they used to be; as witness to a history of hundreds of years, they have been watching peacefully the rise, fall and revival of Peking while they themselves are fading away with the wheel of time, like the elderly in their advancing years. We, faced with the overwhelming modern civilization, could do nothing but be a loyal recorder to experience with hearts and save with cameras, the fragments of Peking’s history at the grassroots level — for nothing is more real than emotions and nothing lasts except memories.

外编点评：

1、 译得非常不错，除了译文开头过度使用分号，此处使用句号即可。

2、 由于中文第一句过长，翻译时可将其打碎，译成英文短句。

3、 与前两位译者相同，“胡同”应译作the Hutong或Hutongs。

4、 “They have been watching peacefully…”的时态过于复杂，译成they have peacefully watched…即可，随后的从句也可省去“they”和“are”，说成while themselves fading away。

最后需要注意结尾处的时态，由于从读者的角度阐述，因此翻译为can do nothing。